Letter to my Dad

Dear Dad,

You were the one I looked up to as a child. I defend you when she would say otherwise.

You took me to work with you and let me drive Bulldozers, Caterpillars, and Backhoes.

You bought me camo coveralls and took me hunting. You taught me how to fish on the banks of red clay with chicken livers and earth worms.

You let me live with you when you lived on a mountain. We hunted deer, turkeys, and rattle snakes together. I helped you build our first house and I was still in diapers.

I would love a lizard to death and you’d bring him back to life, by going outside our house and catching me another one but never telling me till I was older.

You took me mud boggin before it was cool.

You are the only person I’ve ever seen climb safely all the way to to the top of a tree and then make it back down in one  piece.

You spoiled me rotten, especially when you saved up and bought me a ferret, who until his life was done you took care of.

You’re the only person I know who would buy a ferret three different kinds of food cause he only liked certain parts of each, or who would take all the chocolate off a reeses cup just so the ferret could have the peanut butter inside.

Until last year I thought you had disappeared forever.

When I found out you were in jail, I was just glad you were alive.

I know I haven’t made the greatest effort in staying in touch with you over these last few months and I’m sorry. I will do better. I just wanted you to know things were never shitty when I was with you. You were the best dad I could have ever asked for.

I will be in touch soon and I will always keep you in my heart.

With much love, Your daughter.

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Things left un-said

I told you so, even when we shouldn’t.

Gas, Bills, Food… too broke to eat.

Working hard is it ever enough?

When do we stop?

Regrettable spewed words

Leave scares of yesteryear

Growing plantlings pop up to life

Hold on it’s an experience, everyone should have at least once.

As I breathe in, poverty is knocking on our door,

Not recognized by our state, where’s your compassion?

Hurting for an existence void of Nothingness.

A yearning for knowledge, even in it’s purest forms.

A blooming flower has no choice but to stay rooted and flourish.

Like the young flower she must flourish but she has uprooted…

And isn’t it Ironic that the colors red, white, and blue represent Freedom,

Until they’re behind you….

By ladylucychaos

Last nights dream

Last night I went to bed with many things on my mind, I woke up today only to find, more cramps. 

In my dream I was with a friend, Towanda we were. A spree righting wrongs and super market isles.

We were running about with legs that didn’t touch the ground, you call it flying, it’s just how we get around.

When I felt it I knew, she was there. Though I’ve never seen her face I saw it last night. 

And let me tell you something, she puts the scare in fright. She pierced me with her cold black stare, her witches nose and her frizzy black hair. 

I would’ve peed my pants but I wasn’t scared. And when it was just me she saw, I feared the worst. 

She did the thing with the thing and said a few words, if only I could remember I’d call them absurd. 

I swirled back into a trance, stuck, watching her every move.

I do remember her clothes looked quite trashed, black and silver robes but ripped and torn without a stich or sash. 

After our encounter the dream had lived to its end, I woke up startled but knew I was safe and home again. 

By ladylucychaos

For Every Crone There Is A Maiden.

My search for her soul was longer than she knew. I was nearly 18 and still firmly planted in my thoughts of graduating high school. I can recall the moment I was told her name. It resinated within me, something small inside told me to go forth and seek her out. I wasn’t in any position to do so. The thought itself seemed crazy, “find this woman, you’ve never met, and know her” well maybe I am crazy but in a good way.

Shortly after she poped up again and again within different circles of  my friends. I had still yet to listen to my gut and go forth. Honestly, I was scared. My mind only filled with “what ifs” and not clarity.  I am bold but this was something I had no idea how to approach. I had never felt something so powerful inside me; pulling at my courage and boldness. I was never in the right place at the right time either, the first time I actually laid eyes on this force was with friends and I was looked over in a crowd of sheep. Only for an instant did we cross paths.

It was nearly a year later, after dropping out of school, moving around, dealing with life, and finding love did I finally make it over for a beer.. And let me tell you that was one of the best Budwisers I’ve ever had. I came barefoot, I shook my nerves off in the car and proceeded to her door. I could feel the magic I had felt almost two years before. 

Since that moment my life has been blessed in more ways than I can count and I’m good at math. She is my family in all sense of the word. Her words she writes seem so precious like they were carved into stone and passed down from each of the last generations, careful not leave out or change. She has helped me remember what it’s like to be raised right and to be proud i’m from the south. Now more than ever she is not only helping us plan our dream wedding she is marrying us.  

I can only imagine as the universe has pushed me to find my mother; not blood but definitely kin, what else is waiting. 

By ladylucychaos

Strange Stranded Feelings Composed.

                                                                                                                                       3/4/12

 

In land like mine not so very far away there is a writer of sorts typing away. Since my last day of Freedom I have been feeling quite strange, like there is new blood flowing in my veins. I feel taller, and stronger, with powers of wind and wander. Something inside is on the rise of change, feelings new are coming deranged.

Throw back a beer while the Goddess sips slowly on her wine, our words flowed together like souls meant only to intertwine.
 The hour passed with such grace time should’ve stopped, because I could’ve stayed there all day just to listen to her talk. She wrapped me in her blessings as I went on my way, giving me new feelings to contemplate for the rest of the day.

The Goddess in question is like none I’ve encountered before, she greeted my bare feet as I walked to her door. My eyes shone brighter than they have in a while, there’s something about her that makes me feel WILD. This is only the beginning, my words here are true.
On our second meeting such a painful rendezvous taught me even with fear in her Ancient eyes there was still strength deep within that resinated and now flowed through me. The young Maiden, sent to pierce the Crone, only to be gifted with the glorious thoughts of becoming the Mother. The cycle, a scared circle, shared. A new family and tribe; tellings of a soon to be bride.

Her Cherokee skin was harder than I thought and with precious spilt  blood as red as my hair she was dizzy. I doctored her piercing until the crystal gem shone through, perfection, it was done and now in her hands to care after.

A smoke and a hug left me feeling just as dizzy, yet I wanted to shout and jump with glee, I felt her energy dance around me as fairies do. 

My strange feeling has turned into a pull, there is something in the divine telling me I need her in my life, pushing me at her coattail like a child in a department store. I do not wish to burden the Goddess I just wish to be a sponge, to soak in the goodness, the laughter, the love of a mother/sister I’ve never known…

Blessed Be xoxo

Hazey

By ladylucychaos